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When you go backwards....

Sima Tamaddon

I worried that having another baby so long after my first daughter was insane.  It was. BUT it has been such a huge blessing.

Lila, my first daughter, taught me so MANY lessons. And as luck would have it, Harley is doing the same thing.

Harley is currently trying to crawl. She is getting up on all fours and rocking, she is crawling backwards and every once in a while she can make it forward by rocking herself into a face plant. However, as I watch her move backwards, in the exact opposite direction of where she wants to go she starts to fuss. She will get back up on all fours and rock back and forth and look to me with pleading eyes, 'help me mom'. And then she pushes her arms straight, slides down to her belly and backward she goes. The tender fussing begins. She is determined I can tell but she isn't moving forward.

I know that feeling. Being committed to moving forward, eyes set at where I am trying to go but try as hard as I want I am either rocking back and forth or moving backwards. I know that there are millions of memes with inspirational quotes about moving forward and not giving up BUT where is the one that says 'sometimes the only direction you can go is backward and that's ok'. There isn't one. Because going backward sucks. Yet try as we might there is not a single person who hasn't been exactly in that position. That's when you get the 'It wasn't meant to be'. 

I know that Harley will be moving forward very soon but not all of us are so lucky. Sometimes we have to be patient and still. And that is HARD. Even for this yoga teacher. No matter how many handstands or arm balances or fancy transitions I can pull off on my mat, I will forever tell you that sitting still is by far the hardest. Not to mention sitting still unlike Harley's attempts to move forward won't give me rug burn.

I'm not really sure how or where I am going with this other than perhaps it's ok to move backwards until you can move forward. Perhaps it's ok to rock back and forth and perhaps its ok to take a break and sit still. Perhaps it's ok to go back to diapers after your first born is grown. Not every inspirational moment in life has to be moving full speed ahead. 



Give Presence

Sima Tamaddon

As of lately I have circled back to the state of new-mom exhaustion and the constant juggling of motherhood. I am loving every single new thing Harley does from her sitting up on her own, scooting backwards, sticking out her tongue, finding different tones which range from cute coos to shrill exuberant shrieks of excitement to my least favorite, skipping naps. I like to believe she is skipping naps because she is so involved in her outside world she struggles closing her eyes, early onset of FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) is my mom diagnosis.

Anyhow, there are moments when I see her look at me pull out my phone and she looks at me with these eyes of 'Pay attention to me Mommy' and I realize that she doesn't care if I know what is going on the world, or if I am caught up on everyone's Insta feed, or FB. She cares that I am with her, really with her and fully engaged.

All I have to do is look her in the eyes and laugh, and she laughs. 

'Thank you, God, for this precious gift' is what runs through my mind EVERY SINGLE time she smiles.

And it is not just Harley. It is very similar with Lila. She wants my attention, still, at almost 10. She wants to have conversations with me and engage. No iPad, no iPhone, no other apps. Just mommy and Lila time. 

So as we move towards Black Friday with the constant pressures of sales and shopping, maybea date with no phone, no computer, no distractions would be the BEST GIFT EVER.

And if that is not possible due to distance or if shopping is your thing, I highly recommend purchasing from a B corporation. If you don't know what a B corporation is, it is a company that uses business to be meaningful and with purpose beyond the bottom line for the world. Think environment, think hiring practices, think safety of products, these are the companies we look to for the future of change and innovation.

Some of my favorite CERTIFIED B corps are: 

1. Patagonia. Check out how the maternity/paternity leave policy here. Not to mention the clothing is built to last! I still have a jacket I bought in college. YES, it is expensive but watch the maternity/paternity leave policy, again.

2. Etsy. Seriously. I have bought some of my favorite stuff and all from small (mostly LOCAL) business owners. LOVE ETSY!!

3. Beautycounter.  This is a company on a mission to change the marketplace, educate consumers on safer products, and make sure that we catch up to EU standards. Watch this video to hear my own story of Why Beautycounter, make it to the minute mark for a truly funny moment.

Have I missed some other fab idea for having a present moment? Or is there a company that should have made the list? Please let me know!


Pretty picture

Sima Tamaddon

It is hard to be real. I assume a majority of you who read my blog are my friends, some old, some new but I would assume a good majority are people I actually know. But how much do you really know about me?

My life isn't always a pretty picture. 

The truth is that the older I get the more I realize it is not a matter of IF a storm is going to enter your life but WHEN.  Many times I want to post a picture of what looks like a dead animal in my bathtub after I shower and my contemplation of when I will be bald (NB: hair loss due to hormone shifts), or the massive piles of laundry that I swear by the time I get to folding--I have two new loads in the queue waiting or the variety of not one more thing 'things' that happen all at once.

Those are my real life moments. Don't get me wrong I am daily reminded of my abundant blessings from Harley's sweet smile or communicative coos and Lila's musings about her crush, yes I said it, crush, she is growing way too fast.

But I also have even bigger issues than a thinning hairline and abundant piles of clothes. I currently have the kind of problem that keeps you up at night and make you avoid social outings. Not that I want to go public with the problem on a social media platform. (Yes, my marriage is great and my girls are healthy) BUT the truth is sometimes, more often than not, I hide my ugly. 

I remember posting about my miscarriage and the outpouring of love and support from so many who went through it and I had no clue. I am not suggesting I/we fill the social feeds with negativity, dirty laundry BUT at a minimum I needed to clear my heart and say my life isn't just the pretty pictures that I post.

I want to begin to show my girls that no matter how many times I feel lost, down on my luck, full of regret that I WILL and MUST go on.  I know I pretend like it is ALWAYS good, but it is not. I want to actually begin to show my girls that I can cry and be happy at the same time. I want to show my girls that I can have a plate so full but I can still take on whatever the day brings without giving up. I want to show my girls that even when things don't seem fair I can keep my faith.

So when and I say 'when' because one day (hopefully when the girls are MUCH OLDER), the not so pretty picture perfect part of life will become their reality and they will know that they are not alone, it is a part of life and they have my support through their ugly. From "happy little accidents" to the earth shifting big ones they will truly know that they have the tools and map to navigate the 'realness'.