For weeks on end my mat stayed rolled up in my bedroom. I would look at it longingly at first, then with a bit of grief and finally with acceptance. I was not feeling well for about 10 weeks and then as if I didn't trust the 'morning' (it was an all day affair for me and got worse at night) sickness was truly gone I waited another week before exercising.
Unrolling my mat came with a lot of fear similar to my very first time to yoga. There was self-doubt about whether I would be any "good" or if I "was ready" to get back on it but I finally pushed myself through about 15 minutes of a flow. I can't really say that it felt great at the beginning, I was still mentally stuck on the changes in my practice but as my calves started to loosen and my heels neared the floor I felt progress and I remembered that the yoga is not just the asana. It is so easy to gauge one's practice on poses, but what about the mind, the spirit, the union we all seek. Don't get me wrong the practice serves me and that is what brings me back but when you can't physically do the asana the yoga doesn't stop.
We all constantly evolve. Injuries are bound to happen, life circumstances that pull us away or make it harder to devote to a full practice (newborn, hello?), so the asanas may stop or change but the yoga is still happening. I have been back to my mat for about a week now and it feels good to move. I am not holding handstands or yearning for hour long practices but I am moving again and everything I do is still more than nothing.
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