It is hard to be real. I assume a majority of you who read my blog are my friends, some old, some new but I would assume a good majority are people I actually know. But how much do you really know about me?
My life isn't always a pretty picture.
The truth is that the older I get the more I realize it is not a matter of IF a storm is going to enter your life but WHEN. Many times I want to post a picture of what looks like a dead animal in my bathtub after I shower and my contemplation of when I will be bald (NB: hair loss due to hormone shifts), or the massive piles of laundry that I swear by the time I get to folding--I have two new loads in the queue waiting or the variety of not one more thing 'things' that happen all at once.
Those are my real life moments. Don't get me wrong I am daily reminded of my abundant blessings from Harley's sweet smile or communicative coos and Lila's musings about her crush, yes I said it, crush, she is growing way too fast.
But I also have even bigger issues than a thinning hairline and abundant piles of clothes. I currently have the kind of problem that keeps you up at night and make you avoid social outings. Not that I want to go public with the problem on a social media platform. (Yes, my marriage is great and my girls are healthy) BUT the truth is sometimes, more often than not, I hide my ugly.
I remember posting about my miscarriage and the outpouring of love and support from so many who went through it and I had no clue. I am not suggesting I/we fill the social feeds with negativity, dirty laundry BUT at a minimum I needed to clear my heart and say my life isn't just the pretty pictures that I post.
I want to begin to show my girls that no matter how many times I feel lost, down on my luck, full of regret that I WILL and MUST go on. I know I pretend like it is ALWAYS good, but it is not. I want to actually begin to show my girls that I can cry and be happy at the same time. I want to show my girls that I can have a plate so full but I can still take on whatever the day brings without giving up. I want to show my girls that even when things don't seem fair I can keep my faith.
So when and I say 'when' because one day (hopefully when the girls are MUCH OLDER), the not so pretty picture perfect part of life will become their reality and they will know that they are not alone, it is a part of life and they have my support through their ugly. From "happy little accidents" to the earth shifting big ones they will truly know that they have the tools and map to navigate the 'realness'.