I worried that having another baby so long after my first daughter was insane. It was. BUT it has been such a huge blessing.
Lila, my first daughter, taught me so MANY lessons. And as luck would have it, Harley is doing the same thing.
Harley is currently trying to crawl. She is getting up on all fours and rocking, she is crawling backwards and every once in a while she can make it forward by rocking herself into a face plant. However, as I watch her move backwards, in the exact opposite direction of where she wants to go she starts to fuss. She will get back up on all fours and rock back and forth and look to me with pleading eyes, 'help me mom'. And then she pushes her arms straight, slides down to her belly and backward she goes. The tender fussing begins. She is determined I can tell but she isn't moving forward.
I know that feeling. Being committed to moving forward, eyes set at where I am trying to go but try as hard as I want I am either rocking back and forth or moving backwards. I know that there are millions of memes with inspirational quotes about moving forward and not giving up BUT where is the one that says 'sometimes the only direction you can go is backward and that's ok'. There isn't one. Because going backward sucks. Yet try as we might there is not a single person who hasn't been exactly in that position. That's when you get the 'It wasn't meant to be'.
I know that Harley will be moving forward very soon but not all of us are so lucky. Sometimes we have to be patient and still. And that is HARD. Even for this yoga teacher. No matter how many handstands or arm balances or fancy transitions I can pull off on my mat, I will forever tell you that sitting still is by far the hardest. Not to mention sitting still unlike Harley's attempts to move forward won't give me rug burn.
I'm not really sure how or where I am going with this other than perhaps it's ok to move backwards until you can move forward. Perhaps it's ok to rock back and forth and perhaps its ok to take a break and sit still. Perhaps it's ok to go back to diapers after your first born is grown. Not every inspirational moment in life has to be moving full speed ahead.