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Filtering by Category: Life

Give Presence

Sima Tamaddon

As of lately I have circled back to the state of new-mom exhaustion and the constant juggling of motherhood. I am loving every single new thing Harley does from her sitting up on her own, scooting backwards, sticking out her tongue, finding different tones which range from cute coos to shrill exuberant shrieks of excitement to my least favorite, skipping naps. I like to believe she is skipping naps because she is so involved in her outside world she struggles closing her eyes, early onset of FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) is my mom diagnosis.

Anyhow, there are moments when I see her look at me pull out my phone and she looks at me with these eyes of 'Pay attention to me Mommy' and I realize that she doesn't care if I know what is going on the world, or if I am caught up on everyone's Insta feed, or FB. She cares that I am with her, really with her and fully engaged.

All I have to do is look her in the eyes and laugh, and she laughs. 

'Thank you, God, for this precious gift' is what runs through my mind EVERY SINGLE time she smiles.

And it is not just Harley. It is very similar with Lila. She wants my attention, still, at almost 10. She wants to have conversations with me and engage. No iPad, no iPhone, no other apps. Just mommy and Lila time. 

So as we move towards Black Friday with the constant pressures of sales and shopping, maybea date with no phone, no computer, no distractions would be the BEST GIFT EVER.

And if that is not possible due to distance or if shopping is your thing, I highly recommend purchasing from a B corporation. If you don't know what a B corporation is, it is a company that uses business to be meaningful and with purpose beyond the bottom line for the world. Think environment, think hiring practices, think safety of products, these are the companies we look to for the future of change and innovation.

Some of my favorite CERTIFIED B corps are: 

1. Patagonia. Check out how the maternity/paternity leave policy here. Not to mention the clothing is built to last! I still have a jacket I bought in college. YES, it is expensive but watch the maternity/paternity leave policy, again.

2. Etsy. Seriously. I have bought some of my favorite stuff and all from small (mostly LOCAL) business owners. LOVE ETSY!!

3. Beautycounter.  This is a company on a mission to change the marketplace, educate consumers on safer products, and make sure that we catch up to EU standards. Watch this video to hear my own story of Why Beautycounter, make it to the minute mark for a truly funny moment.

Have I missed some other fab idea for having a present moment? Or is there a company that should have made the list? Please let me know!


It's not always easy.

Sima Tamaddon

Photo by Yogivanna

Photo by Yogivanna

What we don't speak of we are afraid of. I have been trying to write about my miscarriage for a few weeks but every time I sat down to write I was overwhelmed with emotions. I am still emotional but it was time I kept telling myself. So I sat down to write and I kept saying how do I write about something no one talks about.

The statistics of miscarriage are too high for me to write about so I know that more people are touched by this than I want to imagine and that's not the point, miscarriages being common doesn't mean they don't hurt. People who found out, some would tell me about how it wasn't meant to be or everything happens for a reason or some even told me how high the possibility of miscarriage were. None of that helped. A few, those that had been been through it, usually just said the only thing I wanted to hear, "I'm sorry. I know it doesn't make sense. I'm sorry."

As the first few mornings came I would wake up and ask, my husband with tear filled eyes if it was all a bad dream, he would shake his head no and I would choke on my tears knowing that it wasn't. However, I held onto hope that it was just a bad pregnancy dream for a few days until I just started to feel my stomach shrinking. I would massage it as I tenderly did for the weeks I was pregnant. I remember the first time we saw our baby's heartbeat on the sonogram it was so strong at 148. The sound was almost mesmerizing. After the initial ultrasound we did the unthinkable we told people before 12 weeks because I felt confident . We told our daughters, I even shared it to Facebook with my 1400 closet friends. Two weeks later we went in for a routine exam and the doctor offered a sonogram our eyes lit with excitement. We get to see him again. The machine went on and I couldn't hear the fast thumping sound, the doctor quickly turned off the microphone and I knew in that second something was terribly wrong. Her face said it all, my husbands eyes were following her eyes as they searched on the screen as she moved the sonogram wand. Then she spoke. I didn't hear much after,

"I'm sorry but your baby's heart has stopped." 

The tears flooded the room. She gave us some time and came back with our options. I could not even listen or think. I was in shock. I kept asking was it the way I ate, my workouts, she wouldn't humor me. It's not your fault she would repeat.  We went home that afternoon and I was angry. At myself, at the world, I wanted my baby back.  I woke up and I thought the doctor most have been wrong and so we went back to the hospital and I was clearly in a panic and they gave me another ultrasound. Quiet. Nothing. I wept more. The baby was gone. 

As the weeks passed I have had some good days and some bad moments. I have struggled with blaming myself from every meal, the vitamins, to how I choose to sweat. Nothing will bring back the baby and I understand that but the struggle is real.  

I'm not sure I have the answers but I know that posting stats on percentages of pregnancies that end in miscarriage was not what I wanted to see or hear. I wanted to know that blame, struggle, pain, doubt were all normal feelings , that I wasn't alone. I know I'm not and I'm grateful for every friend who shared their own pain. We are all bonded but let's not hide life. It's not always easy.

We are not alone.

Life's Sweet Surprises

Sima Tamaddon

Sima Tamaddon and hubby

I’m sure you have heard the saying,“hit the ground running.” That is exactly what I have been doing the last few months. I met my husband--that’s right, husband--a short while back, when we went for a runin the woods. It was a fix-up by a mutual friend, and she had no idea how successful it would be. We had an amazing run, chatting about everything from our daughters, to our future hopes, to simple pleasures like our mutual addiction to popcorn. Before long, we fell in love, talked about marriage, and (unbeknownst to us) actually created a tiny, new life. Once we discovered our growing gift, we told our family, closest friends, and co-workers.

We got married. No, not because we were pregnant, but because we were in love. Out of sequence? Maybe. But we couldn’t be happier with our sweet, topsy-turvy, beautiful, beloved life.

Of course, I wouldn’t be telling the whole truth if I didn’t divulge our first conversation, in which he asked, “Do you want more kids?” I said emphatically, “No. Definitely not.” But life is funny. My certainty eventually softened, and every day I spent by Santana’s side changed my emphatic “no” into a distant memory. Each time I heard him speak, each time he held my hand, each time we were together, my heart opened to the idea of creating life with him. He is my love. And our family is just as it was meant to be.

You might wonder why I would write about such intimate life details. It is not only to explain my expanding belly and new baby, but also to express how blessed and grateful I feel. Also, I want to quiet any concerns about our well-being. Our marriage is strengthened by our beginnings. We walked down the aisle in love, and plan to walk through our lives the same way: Hand in hand. Side by side. Ready for all of life’s sweet surprises.